Tuesday, 31 August 2010

How Fruity

Well this is pointlessly awesome...
i mean really, do you really want to look like a confused chimp... we already know that gorrillas play DS's dumbass! to be fair this thing looks so dated...i mean everyone has a smart phone nowadays and alas, and so like everything on tomorrows world this brilliantly stupid item has been made redundant...awww bless

And tomorrows world... i want my robot you promised me! unless it looks like This

Vintage Ad's

I absolutely love 1950's illusration, its a cross between comic strips and information films, i love retro things, well old things in general really :D and so when i saw this ad campaign entitled 'Everything ages fast' by Sao Paulo ad agency Moma Propaganda i was in awe :D i love them
Vintage ads for cutting edge internet stuff :D 10 points for you good sir's

Download these snazzy peices of art work from here in hi def :D so you to can be awesome

Monday, 30 August 2010

Drawing dinosaurs...

Yeah basically i drew dinosaurs today....

Oh and a lion... in felt tip he is my fave :D

Saturday, 28 August 2010

Just a word...

Ok so ive had a terrible half day at work and i'm seething...
things that annoy me...
Cycle lanes (or rather the absence of them) im a bike user, for many reasons, the main one being that i cannot afford to drivfe or own and insure a car. Its simple, its cheap, good for the environment, and keeps me fairly fit. In essence cycling has no negative impact on the environment after bikes are manufactured, its clean, cheap, doesn't kill polar bears, chop down trees or use any natural resources after manufacture other than the food that a cyclist eats. It also stops people from becoming OBESE.
It seems to me that cycling helps the government in several of its motives, cutting obesity and and saving the environment at the same time. SO WHY do we have a distinct lack of cycling paths in the UK?, and if the do exist why they are almost pointless, diverting off a main road for 10 yards or so where you are then diverted back onto the same road? and then theres the ones that have lamp posts in the middle of them...i mean really? you may as well just throw glass,nails and bear traps into a tunnel, with a sign saying 'cycle route' over the top of it. It seems to me that cycle routes are comprised of 'bits of pavement that arn't needed'. And when you are on a pavement with a cycle route painted on it's surface, non cyclists get angry if you ring a bell at them because they have decided to meander on a path with a 5ft wide bike painted on it...and thats if they hear you, using a bell is almost pointless, now even a fog horn wouldn't help, because when people like to loiter in areas designated for cyclists, they do so wit headphones blaring out 'PLAN B' or other such crap so they cannot hear a cyclist bellowing and swearing profusely at them to move out of the way...untill you finally have to give up and get off your bike.
In addition to this we are bullied by motor vehicles on the roads, i almost died when a lorry carved me up the other day...and i would hate to live in london where the cyclists have to share the same lanes as buses.

It just seems to me that we are doing the whole world a favour, helping the government achieve goals, and yet we get peices of road/pavement noone really wants/needs with a bike logo slapped onto it, where still we are plagued by pedestrians and motorists. If anything we should be given incentives, a pat on the back for saving lemurs and not being obese, if fat people can get NHS treatment because they cant figure out how to stop stuffing shit in their mouths then why can't we at the very least get a decent network of cycle lanes... ?

And then there's McDonalds, they arn't giving me full time work even though thats what i signed up for...this annoys me, especially when they are barely giving me part time work, infact they are giving me 10 hours a week, well minus my lunch breaks and the fact they seem to send me home early EVERY shift...i mean seriously, im getting 8 hours of paid work from them a week, this angers me in ways i cannot imagine ESPECIALLY when i get taxed 40% on my second job (which atm is my main earner).
Another thing is that i've been working there for nearly a month now, and still im treated like an utter spack, because im constantly working with different teams every time im being taught the same stuff over and over agian, and when i have already worked in catering for the last 2 years, its more than annoying, i know how to stack cups, put together orders and serve ice cream...i have a first honours degrree for god's sake, its just the computer system i need to learn and where the stock is kept, i'm not bloody psychic ...
Honest to god i almost got told off for doing something before i was asked today, and they seemed amazed when they asked me 'why did you do that?' and i answered 'because it needed doing', yes missy we don't all try and do as little work as humanly possible, instead shouting about our significant other's, or how crazy we are, you attention seeking whore of a girl, grow the fuck up, we don't care, no. Really
Also i STILL have the tightest trousers ever for my work uniform, i mean really,, you can see my helm through these things, i'm a 31 inch waist (although i usually wear a 30'' because 32'' are too big...and im currently wearing a 28' waist' this means my trousers won't fit on me when i breath in, and i feel like im some kind of gymnast when im working...one with the inability to bend over...dispite being promised fitting trousers for 3 shifts now...

Image by Kimberley Fountain and is copyrighted and schnit

sometimes i just want to break down and stab a clown in the face

Rant over.


Wednesday, 25 August 2010

Uncyclopedia- Everything that Wikipedia used to be

when searching for orange's Awesomasaurus ad campaign (which i still cannot find a picture of) i came accross Uncyclopedia, filling the gap that the new, moderated wikipedia has left (see Last post), its just full of nonsense, and occasionly some whitty well written entry turns up
''Given the controversial nature of Awesomesaurus, the genus has often been overlooked in the mainstream. Many Anning followers felt vindicated, however, when Michael Crichton included a pointed reference to Awesomesaurus in Jurassic Park.

“If we hatch an Awesomesaurus, how the hell will we feed it? Impossible. We'd need the whole rest of the island, every day of the week.”
~ Dr. Ian Malcolm (character from Jurrasic Park) on Awesomesaurus''
i checked the chicken article as well because i hoped that  Ryan north's legacy still existed... some of the best stuff i found was ii HERE

''What happened to the chicken since it was a T-Rex? In direct rebuke of the chicken's royal and reptilian aspirations, modern chicken have been so modified that now they do not so much resemble the Rex as they do the common garden slug, itself a sad parody of the more graceful snail. The science of eugenics, pioneered by evil men like Charles Darwin, Colonel C. H. Sanders, and Adolph Hitler, led to the manipulation of the chicken's once terrifying genes, twisting and changing them into something base and disgusting''

Although i see the need for a boring informative thing such as wikipedia... i still love this  :D
yeah a Nazi T-REX

Tuesday, 24 August 2010

Reasons not to reference Wikipedia in Essays

'Don't ever reference Wikipedia' our lecturers have always said 'it's not a reliable source'
and like fools drunk on the power of knowledge and giddy like we had been drinking snakebite till 3 in the morning, we ignored them, instead using the references at the bottom of the page to skate past the issue of filling up a bibliography.
All students use wikipedia, whether they reference it or not, because it is God's middle name, it holds the power of the world, and the name just flows off the toungue, rolling about in its own reverency and facts. Students will proclain 'its not nearly as bad as it used to be since all the moderators came and ruined the fun', Granted there are no crazy rants about pokemon games inciting animal fighting within the prepubecent communities, and the article on 'Chickens' is simply about chickens not about dragons, stories about cats or turnips (Ryan North we sallute you ) And This Is Why,
but i found this gem...
I love them for their honesty and shere awesomeness, 3 misguided points for them, whoever they are :D 

For those of you who don't know it refers to animals that give birth to live young  through the retention of eggs, think of a chicken laying an egg, sucking it back in and keeping it safe untill the chicks are about to hatch, Eagle rays (and loads of other fish and cockroaches do this ;)

Source Wikipedia

Animal Welfare and the Band wagon of poorly advised people

''A middle-aged woman caught on camera dumping a cat into a wheelie bin is being offered police protection as thousands join a Facebook group protesting against her actions.

PCSOs are on duty outside the woman's home 'to ensure public order is maintained' after she was filmed stroking the tabby along a suburban street.

The woman - a bank worker from Rugby who has been interviewed by police - is then seen grabbing the cat, called Lola, by the scruff of her neck and throwing her into the green bin before slamming the lid shut.''

Ok on the face of this its actually terrible, and a breach of animal welfare, yes the cat was left in the wheelie bin for an obscene amount of time (apparently 15 hours), but i cant help but feel that it has beeen blown massively out of proportion, batterery farming still occurs
 (on such a large scale where hundreds of thousands of individuals have reduced welfare for the entirity of their lives)which is imho a much more serious welfare issue.
but frankly...
this is hillarious

i mean really? all that fuss?
and its not like i don't know what im talking about either, ive studied animal welfare...
Mini pigs for instance were origionly bred (and are still used) to measure the effects of explosions on flesh by the army, they strap them in a explosive vest and BOOM! (and que scientists)

Yeah these guys.... its all because pig flesh has a very similar desity to that of humans, and the organs are in similar places, i mean new zealand arn't using greater apes as crash test dummies any more, but stuff similar to it still does
My point is that in the grand sceme of things the act of putting a cat in a bin is barely distinguishable from gaffataping/clingfilm a groom to a lamp post the night before his wedding, no harm comes of it in the end, granted  its not very nice, but its a better fate than that of thousands of hampsters owned by school children (i should know mine drowned in a tea cup).
Animal welfare is such a sticky conversation subject although this is mainly because half of the populations doesn't really care,and the rest either don't really understand it or are crazy idealistic, short sighted hypocrites, who decide to release non indiginous predators from fur farms *COUGH* MINK *COUGH* and desecrate natural fauna and flora (this is probably why i have never seen a water vole in my life) all for the greater good apparently ...Idiots, fucking idiots
Granted some people are awesome, and although will probably make a no notable difference, do it for the good of the world,
God bless you people who are awesome
Animal extremists...well sort your life out

Monday, 23 August 2010

Herman Gets Naked

Well, yesterday my hermit crab decided his skin was a little tight, so shed it, and now he looks like a prawn caught in a road traffic accident, its quite cool because i managed to snap a picture of him out of his shell, he looks disgusting doesn't he? well my freind that is the result of millions of years of evolution...
His claw has lost its colour but im sure this will reappear again when his exoskeleton all hardens up, i say 'he' but really i have no idea in the sexual mechanisms of crabs, so gender hasn't really been established, i need to het herman/ita a mate as his mate died a little while ago and so i may pick some more up at the AES bugshow in october if i have the funds and means to get there...
In other news my dog did one of my most favourite things today ....
Sleeping with his tounge out :D, he has done it alot of late, must be old age ....

Sunday, 22 August 2010

The Majestic Plastic Bag

this brilliant mockumentary describes the journey of the plastic bag, and in doing so highlights the problems with pacific plastic pollution (GO ALLITERATION!)

Very well done, dont litter ect, because turtles havn't evolved to be clever enough to differentiate between jelly fish and plastic bags, but they look cute so i'll let them off :D

Saturday, 14 August 2010

Kid's Critique

You know when an adorable snot nosed little kid shows you a master piece formed from a felt tip with only a hint of ink and uncomfortable amounts of crayon and you think 'What the bloody hell is that?!?! but instead you grin and bear the monstrosity that is offending your eyes instead praising said kid for his artistic endevour?
Well THIS/ Guy had had enough and has instead decided to tell the world what he thinks of childrens 'master pieces'

''I am Maddox, a 32-year-old computer programmer and writer. I can spell, draw, and do math better than your kids, so I've taken the liberty to judge work done by children. I'll be assigning a grade of A through F for each piece: ''
''Ding Ding! Here comes the shit-mobile. I've never seen a fire truck that needed to be shaved. I would rather be burned to death than be saved by this hairy piece of shit. ''
Brilliant XD

I'm Cultured Me :D

Tuesday, 10 August 2010

Imaginism: Epic Creatures

Ok So im a massive animal fan, and have a soft spot for sci-fi and fantasy, been mucking about with 'stumble' and have found some really cool stuff :D this lot is done buy a handfull of artists and they are snazztastic
They are all available Here

Donky Kong

Holy Crap this is AWESOME!

So the story Goes,an amateur photographer Chris Spicuzza was spending her day at the San Francisco Zoo, doing what photographers do... taking pictures.
However some stupid kid drops their DSi XL into the enclosure (I mean you're at a bloody zoo for gods sake why on earth are you playing a DS?)
But like all Higher Apes Gorrillas love the nintendo franchise (DK is something of a role model), and so thje gorrilla picked it up and leveled up some of those pokemon. And thats why i love animals


Things I Like


And This

(ithink its much better than the origional)

and probably some other stuff :D

Eggs: An Adventure In Their Own Right

This morning started with 'Mum, how do you poach an egg?', joes dad made poached eggs the other week and i was intrigued, alas my mum had no idea, infact addressing the difficulty of doing so 'something to do with vinegar or something'
so like a giddy aunt a cracked some eggs into a pan of boiling water with a dash of vinegar, DISASTER! i ended up with what looked like a pot of boiled semen 'Fuck'
so i gave up and boiled some eggs because i can do that marginally well
,meanwhile i consulted the web, and i found This
its a wery entertainingly written review on ways to poach an egg

yeah i think i'll stick to soft Boiled :D