Dan and the less than perfect haircut

Right, today I have finally got round to cutting my hair, eventually my keratin based tendril's had got so impressive, even the Triffid's were becoming to become jealous of what remains of my thinning mop of hair. Soon it will give up and give in to the 'Alsop' gene, which is really just a collective term to the genetic based cocktail of horrors that are: male pattern baldness, Altzeimers, a degenerative back and mental instability. But for now I'm fighting it, revelling in my youth, but for the sake of my safety a needed a cut.

So today a lovely lady popped round for a home visit, which is convenience at its best, and a pre-negotiated sum of £10 was reached, this immediately sounded like a bargain, and I chose to ignore the  girlfriend  nagging pain asking 'how can she give a price if you haven't told her what you want?'
Detail's! I scoffed, it will all be resolved when she gets here... how wrong I was
'So what do you want?' she asks in a sincere yet fairly quizzical tone,
 'told you so' I flaunted at my inner self 'there's nothing to worry about'
'to see' was my immediate reply (because I'm a comic genius), followed by 'but I really want to keep some length' stressing this somewhat (yet foolishly in a casual tone).
 The problem was that this hairdresser had no concept of the term 'some length', in her eyes 'short' was a length, infact any length was some form of length,be it long medium of short as hell, and this gave her a free reign, and so my hair is the antithesis of what I wanted, what I wanted was a nice fringe, long(ish) yet tidy, as is the fashion, what I got was a business man's hair cut, short and 'vague'.
The thing is, I don't seem to have much luck with hair dressers, maybe it that I'm never really sure what I want myself, although in my defence the last 'stylist' I was recommended to, was stone deaf (to my horror) and I had to describe what I wanted through the medium of interpretive dance.
My main issue is when they ask 'well is that ok?' I mean it may be 'ok' but that doesn't mean it's what you wanted, or asked for, it just means 'is it acceptable', infact the only time a hair cut wouldn't be ok is if they shaved ' i fuck babies because i'm a nazi'  into the back of your head or weaved bullet ants into your scalp, and even if you tried to complain they will say things like 'ah well its too short to do anything with now' or 'you'll grow into it'. Yes i know hair regrows, i'm not really that fussed, my hair routinely resembles a roosting site for large migratory bird's, it's just the helplessness that you encounter when you sit in a chair, at uni we used to cut each others 'biff's' and  if they went wrong, well hey there was always beer to drown your sorrows and you relished the notion that you were about to cut theirs..

Anime, Rediscovered With a Hint of Rant

Bonjourno! ect
Of late I have been reveling of my long lost delights of anime, something i havn't really seen in a non hung over state for a very long time, so long ago infact that the last time i ever really watched a decent bit of anime was on cartoon networks channel 'CNX' which i don't even think exists any more, a channel, with a little nurturing from my malaysian rooted friend Gideon that formed the basis of my 'japanorama' section within my soul.

I re-watched some old school anime in the form of Trigun and a Dash of Outlaw Star, which although are very old now (10 years at least) are still a decent watch. I then started on the epic saga that is 'Bleach' Bleach is in short pokemon for teenage boys where 'pocket monsters' are replaced by entities that inhabit 'soul slayers'(i.e Fuck off weapons) which are owned by members of soul society (in effect Ninja Grim Reapers) and for about 60 episodes I feasted on a banquet of awesome characters, epic fight scenes and Animation which would have Tony Hart smiling from the heavens.

Also Bleach is the origin for the 'leek spin' meme that went round a few years ago, it blew and subsequently made my mind go Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! in a satisfied moment of realisation



I have also deduced that animé is roughly 20 BILLION times better in Japanese with English subtitles, there's something whimsically beautiful about watching anime in japanese, it feeds the soul and strains your eyes, but in a good way, ,in the same way that aching arms are an acceptable consequence of holding puppies within ones arms. I just feel cheated when I watch them dubbed in English, however that could be because of the terrrible voice actors which inhabit the arena of translated media.
Also sometimes Translations are...Well Brilliant...

heh heh...willy :D

The Only thing that angers me regarding animé is the stigma attached to it, there are two main types of of people that wrongly dismiss animé :

People That Believe That if its a Cartoon it Can't Possibly Be of Any Value to Them
 This includes my mum who refers to any form of animated media as 'The Muppets' which actually doesn't make much sense anyway, as the muppets aren't actually animated. The thing which angers me the most about this mentality is the absolute close mindedness of these people, surely the content of media should be rated by it's content, not in the method chosen to portray it, as long as the method used to display the 'story' is effective in doing so (i.e does it justice). Animation allows all kinds of things to occur within a series/film that would otherwise be costly/difficult to do in live performance. And for that reason its foolish to assume that 'cartoons are for children' and 'Theatre is for Toff's'. Judge the content BEFORE you judge the method chosen to portray it


The 'Isn't That Porn' People
This generally includes Men that drive white vans, or teenagers that soon will, Basically...No that's Hientai, and yes although the same animation style is used, animé isn't any more erotic than the average BBC Drama, well maybe ITV... That's like saying 'Theatre is porn because it uses real people'...again method of portraying a story doesn't necessarally indicate content...


Obviously its not for everyone, but i think the main issues are based on the anime series that people have watched have not engaged them, or that pre-existing expectations hinder the enjoyment and acceptance of animé as a form of 'proper media' put i forgive them....

Bramble: Bain of my Life

It's happened by letting some invertebrates into my house i have inadvertently released the addiction within, i want to buy more, breed more, convert a shed, get some more species and use obscene amounts of scientific names. This has been catalysed through the conversations with fellow bug lovers both within my social circles and at the AES show on sat ...
One thing I had to do today was collect bramble for the leafies. I had forgot how crap that was.
You end up getting cold, turned into a walking freak of a pincushion and look as perverted as humanly possible without actually doing anything perverted.
In the process of going into the woods cutting bramble and putting it into my bag, i have in essence become an escaped tenant of B... then you have to wash the stuff then put it in the cage and remove the old stuff, which in the process of dying has become as hard and brittle as weathered glass with a hint of malice, waiting to stab my unsuspecting digits at the earliest opportunity. Even when wearing rubberised gloves, somehow covert spines manage to locate any available loose seams and shoot to kill. often i take my gloves off to find there are more thorns inside the glove then there were on the out side... i mean seriously...did i put them on inside out or something.
Bramble is the main reason that i have never kept obscene amounts of stick insects (its the cheapest universal food around), I'd rather have hoards of escaped crickets then a handful of biological nails in my hand, that's for sure!
To make my ongoing battle aaginst the dreaded blackberry traps, i have been gardening at work, and guess what lurks in the bushes? BRAMBLES! like enraged rabid squirrels it strikes...

Bramble: The silent killer

Just a word...

Ok so ive had a terrible half day at work and i'm seething...
things that annoy me...
Cycle lanes (or rather the absence of them) im a bike user, for many reasons, the main one being that i cannot afford to drivfe or own and insure a car. Its simple, its cheap, good for the environment, and keeps me fairly fit. In essence cycling has no negative impact on the environment after bikes are manufactured, its clean, cheap, doesn't kill polar bears, chop down trees or use any natural resources after manufacture other than the food that a cyclist eats. It also stops people from becoming OBESE.
It seems to me that cycling helps the government in several of its motives, cutting obesity and and saving the environment at the same time. SO WHY do we have a distinct lack of cycling paths in the UK?, and if the do exist why they are almost pointless, diverting off a main road for 10 yards or so where you are then diverted back onto the same road? and then theres the ones that have lamp posts in the middle of them...i mean really? you may as well just throw glass,nails and bear traps into a tunnel, with a sign saying 'cycle route' over the top of it. It seems to me that cycle routes are comprised of 'bits of pavement that arn't needed'. And when you are on a pavement with a cycle route painted on it's surface, non cyclists get angry if you ring a bell at them because they have decided to meander on a path with a 5ft wide bike painted on it...and thats if they hear you, using a bell is almost pointless, now even a fog horn wouldn't help, because when people like to loiter in areas designated for cyclists, they do so wit headphones blaring out 'PLAN B' or other such crap so they cannot hear a cyclist bellowing and swearing profusely at them to move out of the way...untill you finally have to give up and get off your bike.
In addition to this we are bullied by motor vehicles on the roads, i almost died when a lorry carved me up the other day...and i would hate to live in london where the cyclists have to share the same lanes as buses.

It just seems to me that we are doing the whole world a favour, helping the government achieve goals, and yet we get peices of road/pavement noone really wants/needs with a bike logo slapped onto it, where still we are plagued by pedestrians and motorists. If anything we should be given incentives, a pat on the back for saving lemurs and not being obese, if fat people can get NHS treatment because they cant figure out how to stop stuffing shit in their mouths then why can't we at the very least get a decent network of cycle lanes... ?

And then there's McDonalds, they arn't giving me full time work even though thats what i signed up for...this annoys me, especially when they are barely giving me part time work, infact they are giving me 10 hours a week, well minus my lunch breaks and the fact they seem to send me home early EVERY shift...i mean seriously, im getting 8 hours of paid work from them a week, this angers me in ways i cannot imagine ESPECIALLY when i get taxed 40% on my second job (which atm is my main earner).
Another thing is that i've been working there for nearly a month now, and still im treated like an utter spack, because im constantly working with different teams every time im being taught the same stuff over and over agian, and when i have already worked in catering for the last 2 years, its more than annoying, i know how to stack cups, put together orders and serve ice cream...i have a first honours degrree for god's sake, its just the computer system i need to learn and where the stock is kept, i'm not bloody psychic ...
Honest to god i almost got told off for doing something before i was asked today, and they seemed amazed when they asked me 'why did you do that?' and i answered 'because it needed doing', yes missy we don't all try and do as little work as humanly possible, instead shouting about our significant other's, or how crazy we are, you attention seeking whore of a girl, grow the fuck up, we don't care, no. Really
Also i STILL have the tightest trousers ever for my work uniform, i mean really,, you can see my helm through these things, i'm a 31 inch waist (although i usually wear a 30'' because 32'' are too big...and im currently wearing a 28' waist' this means my trousers won't fit on me when i breath in, and i feel like im some kind of gymnast when im working...one with the inability to bend over...dispite being promised fitting trousers for 3 shifts now...

Image by Kimberley Fountain and is copyrighted and schnit

sometimes i just want to break down and stab a clown in the face

Rant over.

ARRRGGGHHH!!!!!