Treasure

Well from the innermost depths of tonbridge invaded within south Easter finest train carriage sanwiched between a miriad of comuters, I once again resort to my blog as an escape from my surroundings, the stench of a days work with a hint of defeatism hang in the air... But still I cling to my endless optimism almost denying myself of reality, because today at work I gained a prize of such worth, that nothing is even comparable to the magic nestled within my man bag, because today at work I was given a spiderman comic, I hear you gasp in disgust, 'is that all?' You question with distaste and synicism...
No it is not, because this comic also comes with a bounty of toys and stickers that even the richest of men yearn for, and it is mine, without the adult guilt of purchasing it for myself, or the fear my social status will be diminished ( it wad technically a gift from a work collegue) and as a result I am more than pleased that this gift was bestowed on me...
And no, I don't feel guilty for the poor child that left this in my who left this in my shop, if you can't look after things you don't deserve to have them in the first place

Work Treasures

Ok so ive been doing all manner of jobs recently, all of which occuring within my local leisure centre, where i have worked on and off for 5 years now. I've been a cleaner (almost every morning for the last fortnight), a gardener (if you can call it that), an envelope stuffer (heh heh) and basically everyone's bitch as long as i'm payed for it (i have several other job titles to gain next week).

Anyway whilst i've been doing these glamorously dull jobs i have found all manner of things: goggles, coins and LOADS of bits of metal, but like a fool i threw most of them away. BUT this week i've kept a few of them (inadvertently) and this is what i had contained in my pockets at the end of my week...

An amazing array of items i do believe.
The coin (a 5p) is only one of many i have found all week but i stick the pennies in the appropiately named 'penny jar'
 The 2 random things of metal are giant paper clips that i have bent, primarily to 'hack' into the toilet roll and soap dispensers so i can refill them. Thats recycling, innovation and improvisation at work...literally :D
However coins and paperclips are standard fair in the usual working environment, the last 4 are by far the best finds
Random number fob thing found in the shower... this means someone was naked when they dropped this...0_o looks totally like a house key fob thing and so i have put it in an appropriate place- on my key ring :D.
Below it a turtle shell rubber! found this raking the leaves in the sodding rain today for 2 hours, but this was totally worth all the labour :D ITS A GREEN TURTLE SHELL RUBBER FOR GODSSAKE!

The most random by far is the card proclaiming that the holder of said card is the protector of the crazy frog...

This intrigues me for a number of reasons, the first is that someone has gone to the effort of formulating and creating such a card, not only sinthesising this item (I totally understand making random crap out of cardboard) but laminating it too- now thats effort. I , to my recolection have never laminated anything i have made EVER, regardless of its perceived worth or awesomeness. The last reason this is odd is that crazy frog is in my opinion a dated (and hated) character (famed and flaunted by jamster mobile tones company), and so it strikes me odd, that several years after this meme surfaced, that someone has made (and lost) this card that proclaims thats they protect this annoyingly over used charcter, in of all  places- the main hall of a leisure centre (to be fair if any character (aside from justin beiber) needs protecting it is the crazy frog.
Also its just the right size to fit into a wallet just incase the holder needs to prove his or her reasons to be in the vicinity.
The biggest (and most recent) find is this huge orange... keyring? Its heavy duty and looks like it would stop my keys from sinking... and 'nautica' suggests this is true, although part of me thinks this is a clever and devious hoax designed to trick me into sending my keys to the watery depths where mermaids can try and make sense of them and use them for uses that they were not inteded for... stupid Ariel mythical beings...

im so totally keeping a log of things i find whilst working... it makes my job seem more like piracy:D

Just a word...

Ok so ive had a terrible half day at work and i'm seething...
things that annoy me...
Cycle lanes (or rather the absence of them) im a bike user, for many reasons, the main one being that i cannot afford to drivfe or own and insure a car. Its simple, its cheap, good for the environment, and keeps me fairly fit. In essence cycling has no negative impact on the environment after bikes are manufactured, its clean, cheap, doesn't kill polar bears, chop down trees or use any natural resources after manufacture other than the food that a cyclist eats. It also stops people from becoming OBESE.
It seems to me that cycling helps the government in several of its motives, cutting obesity and and saving the environment at the same time. SO WHY do we have a distinct lack of cycling paths in the UK?, and if the do exist why they are almost pointless, diverting off a main road for 10 yards or so where you are then diverted back onto the same road? and then theres the ones that have lamp posts in the middle of them...i mean really? you may as well just throw glass,nails and bear traps into a tunnel, with a sign saying 'cycle route' over the top of it. It seems to me that cycle routes are comprised of 'bits of pavement that arn't needed'. And when you are on a pavement with a cycle route painted on it's surface, non cyclists get angry if you ring a bell at them because they have decided to meander on a path with a 5ft wide bike painted on it...and thats if they hear you, using a bell is almost pointless, now even a fog horn wouldn't help, because when people like to loiter in areas designated for cyclists, they do so wit headphones blaring out 'PLAN B' or other such crap so they cannot hear a cyclist bellowing and swearing profusely at them to move out of the way...untill you finally have to give up and get off your bike.
In addition to this we are bullied by motor vehicles on the roads, i almost died when a lorry carved me up the other day...and i would hate to live in london where the cyclists have to share the same lanes as buses.

It just seems to me that we are doing the whole world a favour, helping the government achieve goals, and yet we get peices of road/pavement noone really wants/needs with a bike logo slapped onto it, where still we are plagued by pedestrians and motorists. If anything we should be given incentives, a pat on the back for saving lemurs and not being obese, if fat people can get NHS treatment because they cant figure out how to stop stuffing shit in their mouths then why can't we at the very least get a decent network of cycle lanes... ?

And then there's McDonalds, they arn't giving me full time work even though thats what i signed up for...this annoys me, especially when they are barely giving me part time work, infact they are giving me 10 hours a week, well minus my lunch breaks and the fact they seem to send me home early EVERY shift...i mean seriously, im getting 8 hours of paid work from them a week, this angers me in ways i cannot imagine ESPECIALLY when i get taxed 40% on my second job (which atm is my main earner).
Another thing is that i've been working there for nearly a month now, and still im treated like an utter spack, because im constantly working with different teams every time im being taught the same stuff over and over agian, and when i have already worked in catering for the last 2 years, its more than annoying, i know how to stack cups, put together orders and serve ice cream...i have a first honours degrree for god's sake, its just the computer system i need to learn and where the stock is kept, i'm not bloody psychic ...
Honest to god i almost got told off for doing something before i was asked today, and they seemed amazed when they asked me 'why did you do that?' and i answered 'because it needed doing', yes missy we don't all try and do as little work as humanly possible, instead shouting about our significant other's, or how crazy we are, you attention seeking whore of a girl, grow the fuck up, we don't care, no. Really
Also i STILL have the tightest trousers ever for my work uniform, i mean really,, you can see my helm through these things, i'm a 31 inch waist (although i usually wear a 30'' because 32'' are too big...and im currently wearing a 28' waist' this means my trousers won't fit on me when i breath in, and i feel like im some kind of gymnast when im working...one with the inability to bend over...dispite being promised fitting trousers for 3 shifts now...

Image by Kimberley Fountain and is copyrighted and schnit

sometimes i just want to break down and stab a clown in the face

Rant over.

ARRRGGGHHH!!!!!