Manatee

Via Reddit

A manatee Bumping into glass, repeatedly.

That is all.

Busy Busy, Russell is Awesome, Busy

I've been busy, so ridiculously busy, i have a Mahoosive job interview on tues which I've been preparing for, its more than a little interesting to say  the least

''As part of the interview process, we ask each candidate to undertake the following tasks within

their 30-minute interview slot:

•to give a five-minute talk (presentation style and media of your choice) on the European

bison Bison bonasus, suitable for a Year 2 class.

•to demonstrate briefly an original craft activity related to woodland food chains. Bring

the design template, various design stages and the finished article. The activity must be

capable of being completed by a Year 4 child working independently within 30 minutes.''

I'm not being funny but that's the coolest interview I've ever seen! I have to talk about Bison (which are admittedly not the first thing that comes to mind when one thinks of the most mega awesome animal in the world), hey! It'll have to do! I have plans:D big plans that have all been completed, (I'll whack em' up after its done so the internet wont put me at some form of disadvantage...
Also we get a free tour of the animal collection... sweet! but seriously, I'll be gutted if i don't get it, this job (even the interview is practically built for me, i better not cock it all up!

In other news I've been visiting the joy that is the job centre, a place that may as well have a sign on the entrance that says 'Dementors live here' Jesus Christ! I had to fight my way through the fog of depression  and fend off the stink of failure. But a guy called Russell totally made my day, with his sheer hatred for his operating system, shouting 'Bloody Shit Piece of Crap' and banging his monitor at random intervals, a feat that was made all the more hysterical owing to the fact he was in an open booth shared with 6 other staff and 20 of Camberleys finest citizens who could all hear his complaints, but still Russell didn't give a flying fuck, his discord was almost admirable, he had me in stitches, I didn't even care if i didn't get my 'failure payment'. This was comical Gold, Russell is a 40 something balding man, who had just returned from holidays and the sight of such a gentle old man cursing, bellowing and then hastily apologising 'excuse my french' or my favourite 'I'm really sorry but this is a piece of shit' hyphenated with the occasional 'for GODS SAKE' really made my day! Thank you ~Russell, you totally deserve a medal!

Wizard

Via Failblog

Motivation

That's how I Roll....

The Surrey Hunt Ball

One of my best mates Pam is probably the poshest person I know, she speaks posh, she drinks posh she even goes on 'hacks' and hunts, with those blokies on the back of horses (she doesn't kill foxes so ya' know she does drag hunting or some shit like that), also she has a conservation degree, just so you know ;)
Anyway today she announced she was going to a hunt ball, and immediately a vortex of childish imagination formed in my head, I figured lots of animals hunt, collectively forming a fraction known as 'predators', hell, even the foxes are in the gang.

Its rough as hell, and my watercolour work is average at best, but that's EXACTLY what I imagined

CV's and Surprises

Seriously, I love my family, the whole household is bizarre as hell, now I'm not going to go on about how 'crazy aunt Mavis is' and how she likes nothing more than to water the carpet and shout profanities at people of a different ethnicity, because everyone has an aunt Mavis in their family really, if they look hard enough...

So today I'm completely rewriting my CV, omitting words like 'Biznich' and phrases like 'Give me a job or ill stab you up', instead favouring phrases that make me sound like so much of an ass licker, I feel I am evolving in the same way as loaches and hagfish chose millennia to go, I hate writing CV's and cover-letter's, they are so meticulously un-modest In all honestly I'd rather write 'i'm pretty cool and I'll work really hard, but if there's someone better totally choose them' instead, but because the world is so goddam cut throat, I,m instead forced to explain why in the event of history repeating itself, I should be first into one of Titanic's life boats.
I've thought of various other approaches, attaching my CV to a stuffed animal perhaps, or writing it on a card that wouldn't look out of place on playday's, but I'm too much of a fanny to do it...

Via

One day...
So Anyway, today Pete walked into the door and announced he had bought something home, 'a cake?' I pondered 'a DVD perhaps?'.
In reality I couldn't of guessed if I had tried, for what Pete at bought home wasn't so much as a mystery as it was a crack induced hallucination.

Now in my family boxes like this could mean anything, it could be filled to the brim with hornby or brio railway sets, condoms and sometimes dead chicks, so I've learnt to always be open minded, what's on a box means shit.

This time i was wrong, this was in it...

Pete then proceeded to tell me how awesome this bird was, how she was once part of a £1000 pair (emphasis on was, this bird is ancient) and sung songs about fortune whilst skipping merrily around the table, his enthusiasm was entertaining but alas I did not empathise with him. Although my family has had pigeons for several years and I have a decent understanding of 'how pigeons work' (incidently I know  this is a Red Hen BOOYAH!), I don't care for them much, in my eyes they are simply birds, Don't get me wrong, I don't dislike these guys, I just don't get that interested in them, admittedly Pete probably feels the same about my bugs but hey, one man's treasure and all that.

But still the novelty of having a bird appear in a box still hasn't worn off...

It's what I Go to School For...

This is Totally how I feel about education...

Via: SMBC Comics  (Cheers Joe!)

Scyther is the Best Pokemon

Today i invested in a new shiny sketchpad, and the the most daunting thing ever is putting a mark on the thing, the first line... the first image, if it all goes Pete tong its like having a gopher kick you in the testes, I flaked out like a total fanny hole, instead opting for one of my favourite mediums...brown packing paper, after  doing a quick image based on a pokemon card, a frapped out my own, and I'm happy :D

standard Syther

And Then i Did My own Version

Dan's Scyther

From The Archives

My mum had a total clearout and has discovered a once thought to be lost box of nostalgia, containing an array of reports and pictures from school, although the reports themselves do make for interesting reading, the best finds were the Drawings which are actually brilliant, the subject matter is a little simple, but as they say :

'A picture is worth a thousand words'

So tell me, what the hell do these say?

I tell you that is one BADMAN mouse, its so awesome in fact it looks more like some form of Indian rat/zebra hybrid, but at the very least its smiling, so its clearly not aware that its an abomination of nature.

This is Sam the technicolour dog with empty eyes, this one i find a little creepy, but at least his name doesn't make him sound as dead inside as he looks, also it appears I've been having issues with my letter 'a's.

This is the most terrifying of them all all, a greedy cat of death eyeing up a seemingly unaware mouse, i guess i goes to show I already had a good grasp of how nature works even at the ripe age of 5, also im not really sure if the mouse has no tail and 5 legs or the one in the middle being a tail, which is in my defence longer than the rest, which if this was the case would mean i already had a half decent sense of perspective, with the mouse looking over his shoulder (hence the one eye)

                                            'Here is a Zebra' (covered in an array of  coloured paint)

I can't specifically remember ever owning a peacock (let alone 3) but apparently i loved them very much :D

The next one is legendary within my household, and my mother has always refered to my 'masterpiece' that had been cataloged and put into storage, and here it is in all its glory:

The greatest thing about this is not the sheer complexity of my artistic prowess, but the fact that i did this at school, on my own accord, and even got a qualified educator to state EXACTLY what it was, it wasn't just a whale (apparently i was pretty adamant about this at the time) it was a 'Sperm Whale' and to be honest I sincerely doubt any primary school teacher (well in the early 90's at least) ever expects to write the word 'Sperm' on any child's work, especially on a picture, which as my friend Luke so eloquently put it 'that looks like I outlined a dildo'. 
It seems I've always had a half decent knowledge of animals, which is probably the result of mountains of books supplied to me at an early age.

So the moral of the story is: if you want kids to draw entertaining pictures at school and create a talking point later on in life, supply them with ample amounts of literature beforehand.

Fact

Via : Learn something everyday

Totally been playing too Much Windwaker

I wish I had a Tablet

Dan's Anime of theWeek: Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion

Filling in my spare time for the last few weeks has been code Geass, I have literally no idea why i picked this out of the endless sea on online anime, but i did, and i think it has definately been one of my better choices.

In short it is set in a future where the empire of 'Britania' has become one of the worlds super powers taking over  Japan and making the natives second class citzens. A school boy, Lelouch ends up, through a series of circumstances gaining a super power which is named 'Geass', now the title doesn't sound so ridiculous does it? and with his new found power decides to change the world .

Via 

It has everything needed for a good Anime, Mechs, School Children, superpowers and Mystic celestial themes, but its plotlines are so intricate and the characters so well thought out (Lelouch especially) that I quickly got emmersed within the story, the plot itself is fairly linear its just the viewers expectations are constantly thrown upside down and once the real story gets going you're left guessing without even realising, with many of the episodes ending with a quizzical yet intrigued gesture on my part. Its good, infact it's pretty DAMN good, you should totally watch it!

Entertaining Screen Caption....

Heheheh....

New year, Christmas and Dinosaurs

Ah ! Here it is! i wondered where the hell I had abandoned my blog allowing it to gather metaphorical tinterweb dust.
Millions of probably amazing things have more than likely occurred, but the most prominent of these occasions has indeed been Christmas and New Year.
My Christmas has been a fairly laid back and simple affair, after Heathrow decided that it was incapable of dealing with frozen precipitation, it decided to call it a day, and so mine and Annas trip to Denmark was subsequently  called off, but hey it meant i had £200 surplus so we went off and bought epic amounts of food, made a den and hibernated for a few days surviving on chocolate, marzipan and duck, devoid from family members that had consumed too much or children bouncing on your head proclaiming that 'Santa has Come!' repeatedly.
This was also our time to test our culinary skills, as neither of us have ever cooked duck before, but a few guesstimates later and we ended up with this badman!

Its basically a miss-match of Danish and English Christmas cuisine, and even if the idea of Yorkshire Puds and raspberry salad do sound a little 'experimental', there is absolutely no doubt that it filled a hole.
Christmas morning saw the appearance of 'Mike the Enigmatic Dinosaur' whose expression was dependant on the angle in which you gazed at him...

Mike also has the uncanny ability to act as a transportation device (in the form of a space hopper) and a seat, which comes in handy! :D

So after Endless films had been broadcast, it was time for new year.
It may be because i wasn't invited to any amazing party or something, but i still maintain that new years celebrations are horrendously overrated. It just seems to me that new years is a night where partying is mandatory, and it forces people out that don't really want to be there. I don't want to be told when i have to get inebriated and kiss people, I'm more than capable of doing that on my own thank you! One day I will be all ready to go on a 'Mad One' but until that day comes, or Russell Brand/Rolf Harris invites me to a 'Banging new year rave' I have no intention of going out because some Anglo Saxon decided 'Every year on this night we should get wankered'
But because we try to minimise how dull and boring we are, and slow the aging process we decided to embark on a day trip, and where better to feel young than at a mueseum?
So off we trundled to the laaandon tawn's natural history museum, armed with dinosaur biccies and ham sandwiches!

My fave bit was by far the new Darwin wing which was full of specimen jars, and being a bit of a nature geek and a massive steampunk fan, I may of wee'd a little because i was so excited,

The octo's  where gorgeous to look at but me and anna had to wait roughly 4 years to see them because some dick  Art student sat there taking photo's, if you turned your flash off woman you can take perfect pictures, you penis, but as you can see it was well worth the wait  :D

I don't know why i love stuff in jar's in reality its a pretty morbid practice, but i think its a lot more tastefull then traditional taxidermy, for one the specimins can be used at a later date for dissection ect, so the animal may not of neccesarilly died in vain. Additionally pickling prevents mishappen faces, so foxes don't look like they are staring in to the lost arc  

Also it allows for accidental poses, as seen in the crocodilian below that appears to be singing in the shower, he looks so happy, propping himself up on the jar like that.

The fish bones were uber pretty after being dyed the little plaice thing below is simply gorgeous and the shark cartillage below is equally as awesome

I think what I really alike about collections like this is the sense or 'organised Chaos' essentially is some biologist showing stuff in jars and writing on a label everything he can possibly  think of, yes there is a standardised procedure, but looking at the menagerie of labels and stickers its clear some individuals have disregarded these codes of practise as worthless. There are no standard Jar sizes, labels, fonts or preparation techniques its a scientific free for all, with the curators solely responsible with trying to create some form of order in the chaos that is a scientific collection.

Although i love all of this stuff my highlight of the day was a 5 year old girl in the line to go in, how after being left to her own devices by her mother found some 'working girl' leaflets, with their funbags all hanging out, attracted by the bright colours picking them up and proud as ever revealing her find to her mum, who promptly snatched them from her embarrassed and quickly disposed of them, meanwhile me and anna were a chuckling with amusement

Like this only more pornographic Via

What I failed to see was a kid on a scooter shortly after whizz down the expansive ramp that leads up to the main entrance with his mum having kittens running behind...

Pic unrelated Via