Nan, World Champion

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You can't handle the Smackdown...

Morning :D

Got woken from my slumber by my mother this morning, i would of been a bit pissed, but as my eyes unglued themselves and my ears began to draw in the tones of the world, i focused onto a cup of tea and these....

Note: they are made by 'BJ Toys'

also... they are wicked awesome...

CV's and Surprises

Seriously, I love my family, the whole household is bizarre as hell, now I'm not going to go on about how 'crazy aunt Mavis is' and how she likes nothing more than to water the carpet and shout profanities at people of a different ethnicity, because everyone has an aunt Mavis in their family really, if they look hard enough...

So today I'm completely rewriting my CV, omitting words like 'Biznich' and phrases like 'Give me a job or ill stab you up', instead favouring phrases that make me sound like so much of an ass licker, I feel I am evolving in the same way as loaches and hagfish chose millennia to go, I hate writing CV's and cover-letter's, they are so meticulously un-modest In all honestly I'd rather write 'i'm pretty cool and I'll work really hard, but if there's someone better totally choose them' instead, but because the world is so goddam cut throat, I,m instead forced to explain why in the event of history repeating itself, I should be first into one of Titanic's life boats.
I've thought of various other approaches, attaching my CV to a stuffed animal perhaps, or writing it on a card that wouldn't look out of place on playday's, but I'm too much of a fanny to do it...

Via

One day...
So Anyway, today Pete walked into the door and announced he had bought something home, 'a cake?' I pondered 'a DVD perhaps?'.
In reality I couldn't of guessed if I had tried, for what Pete at bought home wasn't so much as a mystery as it was a crack induced hallucination.

Now in my family boxes like this could mean anything, it could be filled to the brim with hornby or brio railway sets, condoms and sometimes dead chicks, so I've learnt to always be open minded, what's on a box means shit.

This time i was wrong, this was in it...

Pete then proceeded to tell me how awesome this bird was, how she was once part of a £1000 pair (emphasis on was, this bird is ancient) and sung songs about fortune whilst skipping merrily around the table, his enthusiasm was entertaining but alas I did not empathise with him. Although my family has had pigeons for several years and I have a decent understanding of 'how pigeons work' (incidently I know  this is a Red Hen BOOYAH!), I don't care for them much, in my eyes they are simply birds, Don't get me wrong, I don't dislike these guys, I just don't get that interested in them, admittedly Pete probably feels the same about my bugs but hey, one man's treasure and all that.

But still the novelty of having a bird appear in a box still hasn't worn off...

Facebook gems

I'm addicted to and hate facebook as much as the average person (massively) and generally it bores the crap out of me.
However, there are some brilliant things that do come of it, unlimited space for pictures that you want to share (if you can be bothered to wait for 15 minutes to get an error message) however today my highlights have been Fraping my brother...

note: Although its fairly entertaining actually commiting such a crime, the real joy is watching people comment on it as if he would really write such a status, this is why you have to be creative and stay away from the obvious (all be it tempting) 'is gay' or 'cannot believe i fit that in my bum' comments. Its got to seem real but still be somewhat undesirable. I could of made him fans of numerous homosexual/neonazi/justin beiber groups but it seemed far too easy...

The second thing i love is the Manatees group, the owners of which are hillarious, unlike all the other conservation based groups, these guys (i assume they are male) have taken something cool and made it awesome through the use of adult themes and the creation of earth hating, self absorbed egotistical anthropomorphized mammals.

Fucking brilliant:D and this is a relatively tame status for the manatee group. I just love the mental image this group gives of a 1930's mob comprised of manatees plotting dominion of the world