Friday, 17 September 2010

A Case For Manbags

Right this is my manbag

I love this thing, i've had it for nearly 5 months now and i think its awesome and i barely leave home without it. My mate joe always takes the piss but today i proved to my self how awesome it is.
Today i deceded to meet joe down town and have tea, mainly because last time we went to the pub he got so drunk that he couldn't move into his uni house the next day, so had to wait a week for his next lift,
and as he is meant to be moving in tomorow i thought we better not temp fate.
Any how after we had drinks searched for a wallet (a hunt from which we returned fruitless from) and i met someone from school who i had no idea who they were (although he seemed to know me and his mum was there so i thought i'd better be polite) we went our seperate ways.
It was at this point that i thought id take advantage of being and town and pick up some wood stain as im slowly redecorating my room, so picked up a tin (£11!) and a sheet for my bed (as mine are all covered with paint).
It wasn't untill i had walked to my bike (i am poor and ill-educated in the car driving department) that i realised my fatal mistake- I WAS MAN BAGLESS!
this meant cycling up a beast of a hill with a fairly heavy carrier bag on my bike 'fuck it' my inferior mind scorned- like a fool.
Basically it was like riding an indecicive epileptic, my bike went where ever it bloody well wanted  and when struggling up a hill like the little train that could 'I think I can, I think I can' I puffed on. Little to my knowledge both my bike and the carrier bag holding my precious cargo had began to conspire against me.
Nearly at the top of the hill, just as i had managed to get used to having a pendulous weight on on one side of my bike - it happened.
Unbenound to me the carrier bag had decided to rub on the front wheel, in doing so making a hole that grew gradually- a fact that I was oblivious to as i fought against my seemingly skitzophenic transport.  Then at the critical point ejecting said tin of woodstain where it collided into my bike splitting open, spraying my lowerhalf of my body (and bike) with surprising effecency, before hitting the ground and sharing the rest of its contents with the public like a renegade streaker...

So in one swift move i lost an £11 can of wood stain, ripped open the bag holding my stuff (hoodie and sheet), wrecked one of the 2 pairs of jeans i have, fucked up my indesructable shoes and nearly catapulted my self in front of some substandard car make. Fuck

My point is that my man bag, if i hadn't dismissed it before i left, would of saved me money, embarrassment and a near death experience. Whilst making me unresistable to any of the opposite gender in the vicinity.

Reasons why ManBags are AWESOME

1. Indiana Jones has one

2.Where ever i go, what ever im doing i will always have a pack of dinosaur playing cards with me: and a book, and deoderant, crumbs, paper and a pen
3. If i take off my jacket/hoodie I dont have to carry it, or tie it round my waist like a dick
And I'm instantly cooler, infact if i was being nice i could also carry other peoples things

4. Cloak rooms cost less
 you, and at least one other mate can stick 3 things for the price of one

5.Buying something doesn't result in near death circumstances
 See above

6. A Weapon -
pick up a brick and effectively you have a mace

7. You always have your camera, phone, wallet and keys on you
 unless you takei out of your manbag and loose them...

8.You look like some kind of sexy sexy sex god (obviously)
 (My mum said so)

9. A conversation starter :
Wow the sexy sexy manbag makes you look fanbloodytastic- where i can get one?
    Many retail outlets supply them for example...
10. They are perfect for aquiring crockery and cutlery from resturants and other eating establishments
I aquired a gold spoon last week A GOLD SPOON FOR GOD'S SAKE! and i so could of got one of those starbucks mugs today... if you are going to charge me £1.50 for tea I expect a free mug!

And no im not a theif, but like they say 'you can take the student out of the university, but you cant take the university out of the student'. Once you have eaten pancake mix powder for a meal (i ran out of milk to make it), or eaten pizza that you got out of the bin, stealing cutlery is no longer beneath you. Trust Me!

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