Thursday, 14 October 2010

Cupcakes and Dogsnot

Today I have made a creation so great that even the Chilean Miners are no match for such news. In Preparation for my Mothers 40th 25th Birthday, I have made some cakes, Not the bog standard sponge cakes I always occasionally  make, decorating them with pride in a vain attempt to cover their bland taste. Today I attempted something new. American style cupcakes... Being a MAN I obviously made them as epically manly as possible (obviously).

If you want to be as manly as me (I'm currently head butting a frying pan cos i'm so hard) Here is my ever so Manly Recipe. If you're really manly you can pay a prostitute to cook it for ya'

Dan's Mega Manly Cake Recipe
180g of Unsalted Butter
180g Caster sugar
3 Medium Eggs
1 Teaspoon of Vanilla essence
180g of Self Raising Flower
Half a Teaspoon of Baking Powder
A Dash of Milk

1. Cream together the butter and caster sugar (this is long as hell so make your bird do it)
2.Beat eggs (to a bloody pulp) and add these and the Vanilla essence to the butter mix.
3. Sieve the flour and Baking powder (through your teeth), whilst folding it in to the mixture (and swearing profusely whilst scratching arse)
4. The Mixture should fall off the shovel (spoons are for homo's)  if not add the milk (i used  Cow milk but snake or shark milk adds to the overall grittyness of the cakes.
5. Shovel into Cupcake cases, I used sawn in half beer cans (although they didn't really show up in the picture too well as i was shouting at kittens whilst taking pictures)

6. Throw into a furnace/burning car wreck/oven at gas Mark 5  for 15-20 minutes (this is the perfect opportunity to go to the pub, discuss football or surf the web for girls with their gash out)

Basically cream lots of butter and icing sugar into a bowl, threaten it until it whisks itself , add a tsp of vanilla extract and 4 table spoons of milk, until it looks half decent, add colouring and decorations  however the hell you want.
 I personally used blood from my shirt and crushed glass, although bottle caps, ring pulls, concrete dust, or torn out pages from porno mags work equally well...

And here's some well fit bird with cracking bangers to prove how heterosexual and masculine I am *Downs 4 pints of beer*
                                Courtesy of Gorillamask 

In other news i came back today to find my dog with (I presume) his own snot across his face...


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