Treasure

Well from the innermost depths of tonbridge invaded within south Easter finest train carriage sanwiched between a miriad of comuters, I once again resort to my blog as an escape from my surroundings, the stench of a days work with a hint of defeatism hang in the air... But still I cling to my endless optimism almost denying myself of reality, because today at work I gained a prize of such worth, that nothing is even comparable to the magic nestled within my man bag, because today at work I was given a spiderman comic, I hear you gasp in disgust, 'is that all?' You question with distaste and synicism...
No it is not, because this comic also comes with a bounty of toys and stickers that even the richest of men yearn for, and it is mine, without the adult guilt of purchasing it for myself, or the fear my social status will be diminished ( it wad technically a gift from a work collegue) and as a result I am more than pleased that this gift was bestowed on me...
And no, I don't feel guilty for the poor child that left this in my who left this in my shop, if you can't look after things you don't deserve to have them in the first place

More Jurassic park

I don't know what it is lately...
Heres my girlfriend as Dr. Ellie Sattler sifting through Dino poo, Shes currently doing a dissertation on equine fecal matter, so I thought this scene was pretty apt.

Oh and if you don't get the reference... It's here

Darwin Vs. Pokemon

I'm doodling all over the place today...
Manditory Darwin Vs. pokemon comic...
(again rough as hell)

this originated from my mate kim saying 'where would pokemon be without Darwin? and I asked, what if Darwin got his idea from pokemon... also, slightly influenced by THIS

Jurassic Lark

My good friend Luke, has the tendency to shout 'Anal' at every moment... we both like dinosaurs... so I rewrote the Iconic Jurassic park scene with us in (and my mate Phil as the lawyer) this is the result...

Its rough as hell but meh...

My fight with Gimp

Well i decided it was time to start learning how to edit images digitally, so far I've managed to make do with default image editing software but as I draw a lot of cartoons I figured I should probably invest in learning some sort of standard photoshop-esk skills. Because I'm poor I downloaded the poor mans version of photoshop, Gimp and have spent the best part of 3 hours playing around with it, after battling with the concept of 'layers' and being the 'fuzzy selects'  bitch for a significant length of time, I scanned in a quick sketch and started pissing about with it...

and hey presto... my first Gimped image

  Man that was a lot of effort just for that! I'm definitely not the most savvy of computer users and it took forever to grab the basic concepts  of the entire programme... but hey... its a start!

5 Reasons a European Bison is Better than a Nintendo DS

well i did this for a job interview, which sadly i didn't get, a little gutted, but the world still turns and I still possess a full set of limbs so its not all bad. I blame much of my failure on the room in which I had the pleasure of having my interview which was not unlike the natural history museum, only a little less organised, a large room littered with stuffed badgers, bones, logs, excessive amounts of wasps nests, skulls and other miraculous curios, alas this may of been the crux of my down fall but man that badger was fucking sweet!

Ok Ok! this is the less child friendly version (obviously)

5 Reasons a European Bison is Better than a Nintendo DS

1. A Bison is More Useful around the Home.
Bison's are bloody huge, in fact they are the largest land based (terrestrial) mammal in Europe, these guys are huge, and are strong as hell! And they have MASSIVE horns, usually they use them for ramming each other  at the bar whilst making quips abbout one anothers maternal figures, these features make them brilliant around the house, they can carry your shopping, help nan put away the shopping and make fantastic door stops!

2. Bison Don't Run out of batteries
No more will you have to make the mad dash for the nearest power outlet ripping out the tv power cord from its electrical abode causeing hysteria throughout the household, you wont even need to spend hours hunting the illusive power cord. Bisons dont need any of that shiz, they run on more obtainable fuel that they find in their woodland abodes, preferring a diet of leaves, moss, and when times are hard will even settle for a cheeky gob full of bark, in fact they'll eat any old shit they find laying around, unless it has a face (unlike the Japanese)

3. Bison Love to Go on walks
Man they walk all over the place looking for food and love nothing more than bombing about the woodland in doing so, infact they get really pissed if you construct some form of barrier in their way, they hate that crap! Luckily because Bison love roaming around in groups, they'll even take you too!, it will EVEN carry you if you ask really nicely (they are a stickler for good manners!... A DS doesn't do any of these things, you just sit there and balloon in weight as you shovel in all those doritto's as you level up your Charizard, and when you need to go some where you have to CARRY IT!

4.A Bison Will Keep you Warm in Winter
I'd Like to see a DS do that! In Winter the European Bison Grows uncomfortable amounts of hair which is warmer than the inside of a microwave, they radiate heat! You know when it snowed so much the whole of England stopped for a week? The bison were all like 'Dude did someone leave the door open?'
'But what happens when it gets hot?' i hear you say? well they even have that covered, they shed their winter coats, meaning they are all ready for the beach as soon as the sn comes out... and the left over fur? its perfect for making high quality hair pieces!

5. Bison are Uber Rare, some people haven't even heard of the things, and get them all confused with normal cows and stuff, meaning that if you have a Bison your are roughly a billion times cooler than a DS user.
Like 80 years ago there were no bison in the wild, zilch, zero, nada they got hunted because they make the coolest hats, people cut down their houses and deer ate all their deer (greedy cunts) even the Russian kings were like 'Dudes don't kill my fucking BISON' then the first world war came and the bison got royally screwed over,
after which some clever bloke decided to pool together the remaining captive bison to start a new population (this consisted of 12 individuals).
In the second world war even Hitler protected the remaining Bison and even killed 3 of his own soldiers because they killed one, that's right even Hitler stuck up for bison, the fucking nazi chief stuck up for them (and he hated everything!, That's how cool they are, you can't say that about most animals!

Nowadays there are about 1800 in the wild but they arn't the happiest bunnies ever they all get STI's because their genetics are all crap, so they all have cock rot and so breeding isn't the easiest thing in the world...

But hey id Rather have a European Bison any day!

The Surrey Hunt Ball

One of my best mates Pam is probably the poshest person I know, she speaks posh, she drinks posh she even goes on 'hacks' and hunts, with those blokies on the back of horses (she doesn't kill foxes so ya' know she does drag hunting or some shit like that), also she has a conservation degree, just so you know ;)
Anyway today she announced she was going to a hunt ball, and immediately a vortex of childish imagination formed in my head, I figured lots of animals hunt, collectively forming a fraction known as 'predators', hell, even the foxes are in the gang.

Its rough as hell, and my watercolour work is average at best, but that's EXACTLY what I imagined